Lists are for Losers.

So as you may have noticed from the morose reflection below, 25 is coming up. I won't specify dates here because of a very complicated situation involving social numbers and this unfortunate incident in Mexico. ANYWHO - I'm not quite sure why people make such a big deal about it. I'm not quite sure why I make such a big deal about it.

Ten things that tell you you're getting old - this being my own personal list and not a general one:

1. After having received your hefty paycheck)
"Let's not shop here - Let's go to the supermarket twenty minutes away and check if they have expiry-date-tommorow half priced goods in their half-price bucket" Well. On some days, there's some pretty neat stuff in the half-price bucket. Found salmon there once. You know how hard it is to get good salmon these days? Might as well go for the cheap stuff, is all I'm saying. Mystery meat goes for like two cents a pound! Niceness!

2. "Maybe I should get a pant size two sizes too big instead, they're bound to be a bit more comfy?" I have a thumb-rule when it comes to buying pants and shoes- if they involve unlacing and re-lacing, they're no good. Pants, like shoes, should slide off like butter, at will. (Convenience factor- 8/10, slut factor- one million thousand.)

Well, no, not really - I'm a pee-er, not a lover.

3. "Let's get 2 stretchy pants in the same color and cut so that if I accidently cut a very large and unfortunately (strategically) placed hole in one, I'll have a reserve! Yes, I know they're two sizes too big, but they're half-price!"

4. You have a hard time comprehending that people born later than 1985 can walk and talk on their own.

5. Babies start making sense. Not in the way that you suddenly undersstand the symbolisis behind their oustretched and proud offerings of pooh, but they start looking like something that's good to have. Imagine the money you can save on the circus when you have things that roll and topple over for free. Maybe you can train them to make and bring you coffee. Maybe you can have many babies and have a coffee army to reckon with. Don't fuck with us, man, we are Ahab.

6. The term "When I was young, we HAD no stretchy pants!" starts making sense. The follow-up "We had to use grass and cowdung!" takes a little getting used to.

7. You spend the first two hours speaking with someone new on MSN discussing the boil that's just erupted on your ass-cheek (Damn ingrown ass-cheek-hair!) - and other miscellaneous ailments. 26 will see you delving into the world of hemmroids - from there, you're pretty much lost to the world.

8. All your freinds start getting married. Usually with each other, making life a sort of musical chairs, except you have no idea it's going on, until you find that the comfy mood music in the background has been stopped and there you are with no-one to sit on. There you stand, the cheese, alone, in a frumpy cheese-yellow dress that you've used the ten consecutive times you've been asked to be the (old) maid of honour. You get loads of free cake, but no honies. On the upside, you have plus-sized stretchy pants for the reception. And if you spill on them, you have a spare pair.